How to approach that special someone you secretly admire

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Is there someone you just can’t get out of your mind, but you have no idea how to let them know? If it’s time to stop playing it cool, step out of your comfort zone and finally make a move, the following tips will help you to approach that special someone you secretly admire.

Be in the right place at the right time

You might spend half your time daydreaming about your crush, but that doesn’t mean you necessarily feature much in their thoughts. The first thing you’ll need to do is make sure that the person has actually noticed you. Whether it’s discovering a sudden thirst if you see them standing at the water cooler at work or making an effort to show up at that party they’re going to, it’s all about being in the right place at the right time. 


Don’t just talk - listen

When you have the chance to speak to the person you’re interested in, don’t do all the talking. Especially if you’re a bit nervous, there’s a risk you’ll start rambling. There’s nothing wrong with sharing some information about yourself, but it’s really important to listen too - and to show you’re listening. This means keeping eye contact, nodding your head and making gestures that show you’re paying attention. Try to remember the little details of what they say too. If you can bring these points up naturally the next time you chat, you’ll show that you were genuinely interested in what they were talking about.  


Nail your body language  

OK, so outrageous flirting might not really be your thing, but there are some basic body language 101s that it really pays to know about. For example, to give off a friendly vibe and show the person you’re interested, you should lean in slightly when you’re talking to them. Don’t get too close though. You don’t want to invade their personal space and make them feel uncomfortable.

Pointing your feet towards your crush will send out positive signals too, and try to match their body posture - so if they lean in, you lean in, and vice versa. Avoid crossing your arms or putting your bag directly in front of your body as this can seem unfriendly and defensive.

When it comes to touch, you don’t want to cross any boundaries or make the other person feel awkward. But depending on the situation, a light touch on the arm when you’re agreeing with something they say can be a good way to connect.


Compliment them (but don’t be creepy)

It might sound obvious, but complimenting someone is one of the best ways to let them know you like them. You’ll probably want to steer clear of cheesy chat-up lines, but laughing at their jokes or complimenting their sense of humour is usually a winner. Or perhaps there’s something you really like about their outfit or what they’ve done with their hair. Keep it natural though. People tend to notice fake compliments and it can look like you’re trying to flirt too obviously, which might be off-putting.


Drop a hint to their friend

If your more subtle efforts to woo aren’t making much progress and you’re too nervous to ask the person out yourself, there’s always the classic ‘drop a hint to their friend’ tactic. Letting your feelings slip to a third party like this can be a sneaky way to get your secret out there. Then you should have a good idea if he or she feels the same way - either they’ll drop hints back in your direction, or you’ll suddenly start seeing less of them.


Put yourself out there

If you prefer to be more direct and upfront, it could be time to just take a deep breath and make the first move yourself. Next time you speak to your crush, you could mention that you’re doing something and ask if they’d like to join you. Maybe you’re going out with friends or heading to a party, and you could let them know they’re welcome to join you. It can be scary to put yourself out there like this, but at least their reply will give you a clear idea of whether your feelings are reciprocated. And as long as you keep your invite casual, it shouldn’t be too awkward or embarrassing if they don’t take you up on it.


Think positively

It’s totally normal to feel anxious and maybe a bit insecure when you’re trying to get yourself noticed by someone you like, but it’s important not to let negative thinking take over. If you’re too worried about rejection or you see yourself as in some way inferior to your crush, you might struggle to catch their eye and you may never pluck up the courage to make a move. So, try to be positive and as confident as possible.


Don’t be too hard on yourself if it doesn’t work out

Worst case scenario - your attempts to seduce that guy or girl you just can’t get out of your head fall flat and you have to move on. At first, this might seem like a total disaster, but chances are you’ll get over it more quickly than you think. OK, so your pride may take a bit of a hit, but at least you’ll know where you stand and you won’t have regrets about what could have been if only you’d been brave enough to make a move. And even if they don’t reciprocate your feelings romantically, the person you like is bound to be flattered.


The important thing is not to let fear and indecision stop you from approaching that special someone. You can never be sure exactly how it will play out, but you can give it your best shot.